feel

i have presents to give out...still. yet, i don't really want to. Not because i want to keep the presents. But because i think the presents i got for people will disappoint them. i'm scared. these presents aren't the best ones. i wish i had so much more time and money to pick out the perfect for each and every one of my friends.






right now...
my head is about to burst. it hurts. the pain thats all around is hurting with no words to describe. its been going on for a while now. why won't it go away?

081225

christmas wasnt what i expected to be
i hoped it was the time my family gathers and exchange gifts
the time where you get to see each and everyones smile
but it wasnt
there were no smiles that i saw
i saw christmas as any other day
it just had a special name
i disappoint everyone again no matter what i do
sure i saw my family
but it wasnt for long
i didnt even see my dad today
my grandmother and sister went to church
my grandfather and i were just home

i drank two cups of coffee and one cup of chocolate
waiting for this day to pass
it doesnt relax me though
i pictured this christmas to be more heartwarming
but i guess i was expecting to much
i guess part of it is my fault
i must have not been nice, caring, or loving this year
cant i see a normal christmas again?
but then again with this family
what is a normal christmas?

im putting all my hope for a good new year's day atleast
please let that day be good...

christmas

in one and a half hours it will be christmas...
its a holiday which everyone celebrates annually
but its different this time...
this time i get to see my dad be free from being trapped
this time i get to see my grandparents laugh
this time i get to see my sister smile
this time i get to see the love i'll always remember
this time i get to see my family be happy for just a moment
this christmas i hope it'll bring everyone joy, love, and comfort


사랑해 할머니, 할아버지, 언니, 아빠, 엄마, 시온, 혜린, 혜민, 슬기, MA, JK, ST, MF

너무너무너무 미안해

나 어떻게...
시간이 너무 없어서
아무것도 할수없었어
만날 핑계만 하면서
ㅅㅅ..선물 못샀어
미안해 친구들아
너무 미안해
할말없어
i don't know how i'm going to tell you guys tomorrow
i'm sorry
i didn't have anytime
i'll get you guys your present when its the break
i promise
can you wait.....please?

눈

The snow has fallen. It falls so lightly. Just looking at it, you can see its pureness and innocence. I wish it was just as pure and innocent. When we were, mostly around this time we would just worry about what gives we're getting for Christmas. Without a care in the world, we would just anticipate on those presents. Just throw away the pain, the sorrow, the disappointment, the anger, all those negative feelings. I want to walk. Walk without thinking about where I would be going. Just to clear my mind. For at least a minute...

“..i believe in you, i believe in your mind..” - brown eyes - 벌써 일넌
I believe in you. Each and every one of you. I trust you, but its so hard at times. It shakes, it thins, it strains. I hope I really can trust each and every one of you to the fullest.
“..약속해 나절대 널 떠나지 않은게 이렇게 늘 니옆에서서..”- wonder girls - saying i love you
You're always there. Promise me you'll never leave me all alone. Be by my side always. I need you. Who am I supposed to talk to if you're gone?
“..아무말 안해도 나의 눈만 봐도 내마음을 알곤 했잖아..” - 조성모 - 너 하나만
One day, you'll know what I'm feeling by looking at my eyes and without me telling you. You're almost there. I'm trying to also be that person that can read you well, too.

My friends--O HM, A/H HR/MH, K SK, B RA, F M, A M, T S

meaningful

it made me smile that i made someone happy. not because of something i bought but because of something i made and took chemistry time to make it. i am glad. i should do this often. i decided i am going to give letters to people for fun. that way i have something to do LOL and i can tell them in a way that i care for them, i love them, and that they are my friends. a letter is something that i can say what i want to them without getting interrupted. its meaningful. :]

smile

i think figured out why i do not say no. i hate the face expression when i say no. they are just asking for a favor. when i see a smile instead it makes me feel so much better. maybe that is why i do not reject. i will try to keep a smile on my face if that makes people feel even a little better. it is better that way. they do not have to go through things i have to go through. they do not need to know my pain. it is not their fault so they do not need to feel that pain. i do not want to be pitied anymore. i just want to keep my problems to myself. other people do not need to know that i am actually going through a tough time. it makes me feel much better that i chose the path i took even if it is small as giving food to someone that and it makes that person happy. even if it is just a little bit. i do not want to be selfish anymore. i want to make other people happy instead. it would be better that way. but i do not know how. i do not know how to comfort people. i only have ears for listening and shoulders for someone to lean on. i can only be a book just listening, understanding, never comforting, but keeping those secrets within me. i was never good with words. i just like to listen. that is the only thing i am good at. maybe someday i will be able to comfort people when they come to me instead of being just ears. until that day, i am going to keep smiling. so i do not make others feel sad or things that because of me.

times

what i learned today:

To equal the average number of abortion deaths in one year, the terrorist attacks on the Wold Trade Center would have had to been more than 400 times more lethal.

times have passed.
i dont really know what to say anymore.
there are good times, bad times, stressful times, & joyful times
i just have to accept them all

Quote I learned today:

“knowledge is power”
-Francis Bacon

anew

i have to admit. my life isnt the best, but it isnt the worst. sure there are times where i will shake, tumble, and fall. but i promised myself, i cant let that stop me to what i want to become. however these days... i feel something missing. i dont think im truly happy... its not because of friends. they arent hurting me. its not because of my family. they have gone through a lot and now they are slowly getting better. maybe its just myself. im not really sure. it troubles me because alot of what i am facing now doesnt bother me but i feel something missing. is this bad? i feel like i can cry in a second if i just sit down alone. something bothers me. but i just cant figure that out. it frustrates me. whats missing from my life? something isnt there to make me feel better. how do i fix this? ive fixed or tried to fix my flaws. what should i be feeling right now? happy because theres actually nothing that is wrong? sad because theres something missing? disappointed? hurt? regret? maybe its because i dont think i can become what everyone thinks i can become and i dont want to disappoint them like someone else already did. hopefully the missing/troubling part in my life is this simple and i can just try harder to not disappoint anyone. maybe its because i truly want to become something but i tell others i want to be another thing. and everyone tells me i have to be that another thing now that ive chosen and no doubt theres no turning back. maybe its because im scared that i can truly achieve my dream, my goal. the more i think about it, the more problems trouble me. i just avoid it. however i dont think thats what is a hundred percent bothering me that i dont feel truly happy. i would like to say Jen, theres nothing wrong in your life. you dont have to be so sad. you dont have to think so hard. you dont have to be so hard on yourself. but is that what really could happen? everything you do will change your life even your thoughts. it changes your life into a entirely different path. i wish i can just scream out all my feelings. its difficult though. since i dont know exactly how i feel. and how to express them. maybe forgetting all this would be the best. maybe. just maybe it would make my life to the point where i can be happy without an missing parts. i promise myself i will be happy or at least try. i start anew.

survive

you went through it all
the pain
the suffering
the torture
the life
the hurt
the disappointment
and yet you still proudly became my father
you went through the toughest times
yet you treat me like the best
through the problems and suffering you had
you promised me, i would not grow up with them
because you know how they felt
sure we might have lost a woman in our lives
but we dont need her anymore
we can proudly stand up to her
and say we have a great life without her
all those hospital trips
the torture of going there almost everyday
is slowly decreasing
today is an important day
you survived through it all
all those times you said
you were going to die
well its time for change
and i pray for you 아빠
because im your daughter
i was always proud of who you were
and to this day i still am
most of the time i never got to say those three words
i love you
even though i meant to say it
i just never got to
but i will say it today
i love you daddy
사랑해요 아빠
forever.

영원히 아빠의 딸,
이정은

promise

what i learned today:

my hand does not turn red unless its dipped into burning water or its OD cold
and it turned red today -_-;;

gosh stupid cousin... i bought the bbang he wanted last time i bought him the wrong bbang
and this time hes like i dont like this -_____________-;;
i spent money on him and he doesnt want it AISH

Summer `08 was love<3
and i miss it D:

i have promised my wife that we will hang out again and i will join the crew when they are hanging out.

fact i learned today:

“Losers make promises they often break. Winners make commitments they always keep.”

-Denis Waitley

are you a loser or winner?

잘못했어요
죄송해요

today

what i learned today: friends are mad important :]

today....
i went to school
i took 1 algebra test
didnt finish so now its a take home test :D
i took 1 french test
i failed that for sure D;
i went to chemistry
didnt take the test
i told him i didnt get it so we didnt take it :D
i went to gym
didnt do anything but just space out D;



friends are mad important :D

quote that i learned today:
“Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to point where we're not all still friends.”

election is officially over.

what i learned today: obama is the 44th president of the united states of america
he is the first african/black american president
& he is the first president from hawaii

todays the day for change
on january 20th it is inauguration day
the day barack obama will take office

hopefully the country would change
in a good way....

goodbye george bush
hello barack obama

i saw oprah winfrey on tv in chicago :O
and now barack obama is in grant park, chicago
giving his victory speech

congrats to barack obama :]

ps RIP to obama's grandmother & jennifer hudson's mother, brother, and nephew

missing the past

what i learned today: i miss the past
i miss the past.
i miss how we used to hang out all the time
i miss how it was husband & wife, bff <3
i miss how we would do all the weirdest things
i miss the memories we had
i miss those days

i cant find them anymore
its all disappear
i try and try
but its not the same anymore
how it changed
ill never know
all i can do is watch the scenes unfold
watching our friendship disappear
without saying a peep
its what i have to do
because people always change
although i miss those times
where we were the closest friends alive
i cant do anything now
because you other people now
i tried not talking to you
it felt really weird
i thought i could not talk to you
and be happy with my other friends
wow it became different
but to tell you the truth
i dont want to go up to you
now it seems you dislike me
its always i gain a friend
i lose another
i guess its you that i lost
best friends forever...? not anymore
husband & wifey--not anymore
friends...? maybe but im not sure anymore...

quote i found today:
“It is strange... that the years teach
us patience; that the shorter our time, the
greater our capacity for waiting.”
-Elizabeth Taylor

:O

what i learned today: found some people who can listen to my problems :]

OH EM GEE
freakin stuffed from eating at pizza hut
D;

atleast now i have people i can talk to
i missed talking to them
i feel alot better

but now i think if we get further apart
its not going to make me feel so emo

Happy Halloween
sure its happy....
not really
i only have this girl i can talk to
because others would bitch saying im talking crap
and the other girl is not as close to me anymore
i dont really know whats going on in my life
the more time passes by
the more it scares me
its changed from what it was in the summer
i can tell
you say nothing
but i see it all
youre getting farther away from me
its me that you dislike now
you dont think of me as such of a close friend
sometimes i really think
who can i really depend on?
who can i say my thoughts and problems
and not be labeled as someone who talks sh.t behind someones back
when i look at myself...
i hate it
i hate what ive become
i hate where i am today
i hate the friendships i lose
i hate it all
would it have been different if i moved?
would i become happier and better if i just mask my feelings?
would i?
is it worth it?
i dont know how to fix it...
i dont know how i can get it back...
i dont know
i really dont know
and i hate the fact that i dont know
i hate the fact that because of me, im losing it
it... personally i thought it wouldnt change that easily
boy was i wrong...
i no longer have conversations with you
without you giving me a look, not giving me a reply, or giving me a reply just to get rid of me
would it be better if we werent friends?
would it make it better for you?
im no longer there...
you dont need me...
you have other people now
who can have your back stronger than i can
im no help to you
im just an annoying thing that gets in your way
its no longer happy with jen. its silence/wtf with jen.
do you want me to be your friend?
there are days where you can just hate me
but when it goes from close to far apart over and over again
within a month...
i really dont know what your intention is...

i isolate myself
i isolate myself because when i look
i see no room for me to just be in it
i see discomfort for if i join i will make everything go down
but when i am asked because i told you to ask me
that feels indescribable
its like you asked me but dont want me there
i dont want to be asked if you dont want me there
i dont want to just be asked because i told you to ask me
i want to be there because you want me there
every freakin day i ask myself
am i happy with myself?
every freakin day the answer is no.

when i look at a problem that someone has
even if its a small problem
i think about it 24/7
i dont give the best advice right when you ask me
because somethings i never felt
but i think it over and over and over
it keeps bothering me.
if you told me you had problems because of a guy or something
and you want to get rid of it or him or what not
i think of it 24/7--not literally because i cant think that long
but the times i think the times im in school
sure i think about it
even if i didnt do a project
i cant sleep
when i try to sleep and i know something is wrong with someone
i cant just sleep perfectly fine
its something that bothers me
that something is bothering you
its my fault
friends...
theyre the only people can understand me
and be there for me
theyre so important when alittle fight happens
i get so frustrated that i ruined my friendship
it pisses me off that i did something and it just ruin the friendship
im disappointed in myself
who the hell am i to be this way?
who the hell am i to be such a freakin emtional person?
its not like my friend was killed
but to me losing a friend is having a friend killed
i guess im just a crazy person
i guess i am



and im sorry
if you dont want me as a friend
then dont have me as a friend
sorry i piss you off
sorry i ask but do totally the opposite thing
its not like im important anymore
you have many people that have your back now
im sorry
for being such a bad friend

cancel

i cancel what i said yesterday
my life isnt okay

my life

what i learned today: my life is an okay life

snow

what i learned today: it snowed today in new jersey :O

guys get warmer.
its only getting colder.
it snowed in other parts of new jersey 0_0;;
watch out for yourselves
dont get sick.

happy almost halloween...
i dont think im going to go trick or treating.
im a loner thats why D;

wow.

what i learned today: i wish i was a nicer person

wow.
you just ruined my day.

random

what i learned today: i dont ask in general

i did nothing today...
sigh...
i didnt go to the game yesterday...
i was going to...
but i thought what the heck
people are fine with out me
so i didnt

yupp i dont ask
i hate asking
i dont ask people to hang out
because when i usually do...
theyre busy D;
so i dont ask anymore

well now im going to go to eunices church tomorrow
and my dogs sleeping on my bed...
everyone sleeps on my bed...
just like eunice




everyone fighting~
dont be so down in the dumps...
please...?

change

change.
what does change mean?
change - /tʃeɪndʒ/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[cheynj] verb, changed, chang·ing, noun –verb (used with object)
to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone

“Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.”

-Keri Russell

“ If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.”

-Mary Engelbreit

CHEM D:

what i learned today: i forget things to easily & im bossy D:

i have nothing to say so ill just say random stuff.

1. my chem teacher is weird
2. he told me to stop eating all the time just because i had a bagel in my mouth for breakfast
3. he stops me in the middle of the hallway and says to go to class when i had a pass in my hand
4. he doesnt know what a test and quiz really are
5. we have two tests, one tomorrow and one this coming tuesday
6. i hate my chem teacher

there you go my random stuff :]

picture is worth a thousand words

“a picture is worth a thousand words”

a hand print tells you a story. it tells you the story of someones life. it tells you the hard ships, the pain, and everything the person has been through. every person's hand is different because it tells its unique story. everyones story and life is always different.

pigeons flying. pigeons are different. they give you the feeling of dirtiness. they tell you their life by how they look. just like hands they tell their story with their appearance.



this is definitely worth a thousand words. this is a story about two friends. they have been through days where they fought and they smiled. its the friendship that shows. the bond that they share. its one thing that they cherish. its their friendship.

:O

what i learned today: i really did bad in the psats D;
what i also learned today: PAUL STOLE MY SPOT
im no longer number one D; ALSDKJF;LWEJRL

what i did today
1. kinda woke up at 6.
2. saw my grandma put blankets on me cause i was cold. <3
3. went back to sleep.
4. woke up at 7.
5. really did not want to go to school to take the psats
6. got dressed and washed up.
7. grandma took me to dunkin donuts.
8. came back home and had eunice come over.
9. grandpa drove us to school.
10. went in school and took the psats.
11. went to kevins house so that everyone can pee.
12. walked to golden eagle diner with eugene, kevin, patrick, sandy, and eunice.
13. ordered food.
14. paul came.
15. food came and we ate.
16. eugene left.
17. kept eating.
18. paul kept commenting that we were so quiet.
19. patricks huge plate of onion rings came.
20. gave kevin half of my half of a cheeseburger
21. everyone finished eating.
22. started to rock paper scissors.
23. kevin lost first so he sucked on a lemon with hot sauce all over it.
24. we kept playing with the loser eating this peach color drink with disgusting stuff in it.
25. everyone lost except for me.
26. they wanted me to lose.
27. i lost and i drank it... it wasnt THAT bad as their face expressions expressed it.
28. kevin & paul lost the last round.
29. paid and walked to patricks house.
30. patrick said he had to take a dump.
31. stayed on his front yard, talking, singing, doing weird things.
32. went to the police station on the side by orange tree.
33. met hyerin, eunji unni and this other unni.
34. met paul, kevin, sandy, and eunice again.
35. sandy left.
36. paul, kevin, and eunice left.
37. i got picked up by my grandpa.
38. fooled around with my grandma.
39. went to my dads house and cleaned.
40. came back and went back to my dads house then came back.
41. watched tv with my grandparents.
42. ate ramen since we had no rice made.
43. watched tv with grandparents again.
44. came up to my room.
45. turned on my computer, logged into aim and msn.
46. checked my email, blogs, youtube, and facebook.
47. imed eunice--currently doing so.
48. told her i was bored.
49. she told me to blog.
50. so here i am.

OH i forgot...
paul looks like a monkey and a chihuahua :D :O

wifey

what i learned today: my wifey is taken by someone else D:

theres nothing new...
except my wifey got stolen by this guy
and now shes cheating on me XD
i hope we get closer...
cause i feel like we're getting further and further apart....
sigh...
welll
CONGRATS MY WIFEY :]

...

what i learned today: someone dislikes me

the person. wow. first we were close. now its just hey ___! hey ____! but just stares at me. not even stares. its more like the wtf look. when i say something, the automatic reply from your face is WTF. its no longer :] someone said to brush these things off. but losing a friend and getting a cold feeling from them is not something that shouldnt be brushed off.
im kinda disappointed because i havent changed or anything. its not like i got bitchy all of a sudden or act cold to you.

---------------------------------------------------------------
you wanna know why i dont tell you my problems anymore
because if i do i bother too much because i have many problems
or either i tell you and the next day its all about jennyi but couple days later you just go back to acting cold or having mood swings on me...


---------------------------------------------------------------
i no longer have a list of whos my closest friends....
because i dont even know if they think im one of their close friends...
they might not even like me...

--------------------------------------------------------------

what i really want to know
if you had a choice,
would you be my friend
or would you be a person that i just know...?

what i want

what i learned today: i am REALLLY fat D:

i want to sing well
i want to express my feelings that way
but the sound that comes out
isnt what i expected it to sound like

i want to dance well
i want to dance like crazy
but the way my body moves
isnt what i expected it to be like

i want to keep my friends close
i want to have someone i know that will be there for me 24/7
but the way my friends are
isnt what i expected my friends to be

i want to be a proud person of the yi family
i want to be the person that everyone in my family brags about
but the way i am now
isnt what i expected in order to become that proud person

i want to have no more worries
i want to have no more doubts
but the way life is
isnt what i expected to be

what i want...
i want alot of things
of course im a selfish person
i want this and that but i know i cant get it
thats the way of life.
but having flaws, losing friends, and doubts is all included
in my life.

supposed to...

what i learned today: i really want to go to another school thats far from here...

lets start with a story that is based on a true story

there was this girl named girl A who wanted to go to shopping with girl B. then girl A called girl B and said to hang out the next day cause she couldnt go anymore. and girl B said fine but she has work in the morning. girl A said it was fine and she could visit girl B and do something after that. so girl B thinking that girl A would actually come and do something, didnt make any plans with anyone. then when the next day actually came, girl B waited and waited. but girl A never came. girl B thought maybe girl A would have forgotten to come visit her, she didnt expect girl A to never even call or anything telling girl B that she couldnt make it. and now girl B is pretty disappointed that girl A either forgot, never called, made plans with someone else, or just didnt want to hang out with her and just didnt say anything...

dont you just love my story...?

play dates

what i learned today: mr agecha does not know what quizzes are and tests are. he probably thinks quizzes mean tests and tests means quizzes... -__________-;;



im going to lindbergh tomorrow
then hanging out with eunice
im going to six flags on sunday

one thing to say

i have one thing to say:

happy birthday jen & jan <3

what i learned today: room temperature 1.5 or 2 liter bottles of cola are cheaper than a refrigerated 20 ounce bottle of cola in shoprite ;P

UPDATE

lets get updated with my life.

• i feel slightly better emotionally wise
• i feel slightly better sickness wise...?
• i cleaned my room
• i made a new sn for aim
• i am trying to get better in school
• i am kinda afraid to show my real feelings
• i updated my dry erase calender thing for october
• i watched how to lose friends and alienate them & eagle eye
• i have free lunch
• i had a fire drill today cause of a group in my foods class burnt butter
• i wish summer was here
• i have no school on thursday
• i learned that on friday night and whole saturday or atleast the morning are going to rain
• i need to change my default picture
• i slept over michelles house with megan
  
• i want to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JIM! special galll right there :D
• i hung out with eunice but ditched her cause i got in trouble
• i felt bad for ditching eunice, michelle, and megan
• i updated my phone background
• i had homemade fries today
• i embarrassed myself today
  
• i feel crappy today

theres practically my week.... or weekend up untill now...

sorry

sorry to all my friends
sorry to eunice
sorry for freakin out
sorry for being insecure
i will change
i will try
but its not going to be easy for me.

im sorry

my weekend

i hated my weekend.
i hate the fact that i was ignored for more than half the time.
i hate the feeling of being a loner, again.
i hate the fact that after i felt like this, it did not get any better.
i hate how i had to try to tell _____ my problems in front of people instead of saying in private.
i hate the feeling of being used, again.
i hate that i was sick.
i hate the fact some people just thought ahead and thought i was ignoring people.
i hate the fact that i was barely even talking.
i hate the fact that i was trying to get back closer with my "friends", but all they did was have the expression of "wtf" in their eyes and body language.
i hate the fact that i did not belong with my "friends".
i hate the fact that im the only one out of my "friends" that is fat and over 5'4" which makes me stick out.
i hate the feeling that noone wanted me there.
i hate the fact i lost my phone, that i had some what good memories saved in there.
i hate the fact that people gave me the look like i was over reacting just cause i lost a phone.
i hate the fact that i couldnt stop crying when i saw my "friends".
i hate the fact that i couldnt cry so when i finally died i pour all my feelings out in public.
i hate the fact i got even more sick.
i hate the fact that it was raining.
i hate the pain i was feeling.
i hate the tiredness, hurt, and worries that i had felt.
i hate the fact that when i look at something, its like oh she doesnt like me anymore.
i hate the fact that im still getting ignored.
i hate the fact that i dont have anyone to lean on.
i hate the fact that when i do have someone i cant say what i want to say.
i hate the fact that i cant express my feelings well.
i hate the fact that i tried to make an effort for atleast getting close again, but failed.
i hate the fact that i wasnt even invited.
i hate the fact that i wasnt even acknowledge until something bad happened to me.
i hate that i had to be with new people i just met because my "friends" werent exactly wanting me there.
i hate the fact i never found my phone.
i hate the fact that when i came back home, i was even more depressed.
i hate the fact i did not go to school today because i am sick and aching.
i hate the fact that i have to be happy in front of my grandma and think my friendships with my "friends" are terrific.
i hate the fact that i got someone mad and pissed that theyre ignoring me.
i hate the fact that i have to go to school tomorrow and worry about how its going to be.
i hate the feeling that when im back at school people are going to ignore me more.
i hate the fact that i know people have worse lives than me, but i cant deal with mine.
i hate that fact that im so scared of everything.
i hate the fact i rely on the people around me.
i hate the fact that when i was at choosuk, no one knew what im exactly going through cause i keep my mouth shut and just got someone mad cause they asked what was wrong.
i hate my weekend.
this has got to be the worst weekend ever.
i know for you, it was totally different.
maybe its just me who is feeling this.
maybe you guys dont notice these things.
maybe im over reacting
maybe its just cause i feel hurt.
i hated my weekend.
this has got to be the worst weekends ever.

change

theres definitely no point in making this
no ones going to read it.
but it doesnt matter.
im letting out my feelings.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i know that people change.
i know that its their choice.
but im scared.
when they change
are they going to forget me?
are they going to not like me?
am i close to them as before?
i makes me wonder...
i cant stop them.
im not the best friend anyone can have.
i try my best.
but just being myself isnt good enough...
do i cry?
do i scream?
do i even say anything?
i lost friends once...
gained them back...
but trusting them with my all...
is something i try to do...
but i just seem to not get it...
do i deserve friends?
changing a bit of them...
because i wanted it to...
does not mean they'll like it...
jennifer accept the facts...
life is not always about friends...
sure, theyre there for you in school...
but if you graduate, or move...
will they be in contact with you?
things change.
people change.
they might like you.
they might hate you.
you just cant always tell.
life isnt easy.
i know it isnt.
thats life.
you have to deal with it.
friends...
you can have other friends...
you can have no friends...
but are if you have friends...
do they really actually like you?
or do they talk shit about you?
with out you even knowing
people do change.
and jennifer sooner or later
youre not a person that will keep them all.
friends are friends.
but they can turn into enemys, haters, rivals.
people do change.
and they wont always like you.

...

so many things to do...
so little time...

--------------------------------------------

whats the matter my friend?
are you okay?
im always here for you ;]




jennifer♥

problems...?

does a person need to tell others for them to worry for him/her?

친구? 무슨 친구?

are you guys my friends?
am i that easy?
have you ever felt used?
have you ever felt like a loner?
cause i have... i feel that way again...
what am i to you guys?
am i just a backup person?
do you guys even like me?
if you dont just tell me straight forward.
seriously, its getting fustrating.
makes me want to have never met you guys and just move away.
somewhere i would never meet you guys again.
have you guys ever thought about how i felt?
i admit im not the best friend someone could ever have
but you guys arent either.
do you guys even notice me?
am i just not right?
and you guys and i just dont go in the same clique?
why are you guys my friends?
am i really?
친구? i dont think so
됐어 다필요없어 i dont need your pity.

School Year

i have gotten my schedule... OH JOY! D:
school officially starts on september 4th -_-;;

well heres my schedule:

Year 2008-2009
1A, 2B, 3C - Alegbra 2-H - Spooner - Rm. 102
1D, 2A, 3B - Biology-H - Sica - Rm. 301
1C, 2D, 3A - US History 1-H - Schmarge - Rm. 208
5A, 6B, 7C - Physical Fitness - Lutz - Rm. Gym (First Semester)
5A, 6B, 7C - Intro to Law - Deodino - Rm. 207 (Second Semester)
5D, 6A, 7B - French - Miller - Rm. 210
5C, 6D, 7A - Foods 2 - Planker - Rm. 106 (First Semester)
5C, 6D, 7A - Driver Education - Rm. 107 (Third Quarter)
5C, 6D, 7A - Physical Fitness - Lutz - Rm. Gym (Last Quarter)
1B, 2C, 3D - English 2-H - Romero - Rm. 201
5B, 6C, 7D - Chemistry-H - Agecha - Rm. 307


now that i have my schedule
and only have 2 weeks max to get ready
i only have couple things to say
1. here comes torture & boredom
2. let the memories come and fill my head
because memories last forever

Smile & Laugh

To You

OH EM GEEEEEEEE
its eunice's birthday right now
♬HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU♬
♬HAPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU♬
♬HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR EUNICE♬
♬HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU♬
happy birthday eunice<3 style="text-align: center;">eunice i love you
youre my bestest friend
i hope all your wishes come true
happy birthday <3

Lonely.

i wonder at times... how am i going to survive in this world if everyone i loved was gone? that feeling of being lonely never goes away. it always feels like that for me. even if someone i love is next to me, i feel sad. maybe i was grown to self-centered and wants attention all the time. maybe its my insecurity of losing them. or my insecurity of being talked about. i dont know. but at times if eel like i dont belong.

maybe i would have been better off if i was somewhere e;se. some other person. there are times where i am happy but after that... it fades. am i too nice... am i too naive... am i that weird... am i worth it... am i just plain stupid... sometimes i think if i was all by myself i wouldnt have all these things to worry about.

am i fitting in... am i being the right friend... what am i doing wrong that they dont like me... did i go too far... would i be happy if i had their attention... i always wonder. but can they ever get answered. sometimes i just want to cry. but i cant. i have to be stronger. but its not that easy. its not easy for me to ignore these feelings. these insecurities. are they worth these things... do they even notice when i feel down... are they... most of all...

am i important?

Long Gone...

Its been a month since ive last updated... and well not much as happened.. all i do is get ready for school which starts in september and maybe hang out with friends once a while. i really dont know how life went this fast. it feels like yesterday when i was at my cousins house and the bad news hit us in the morning. truthfully, i havent thought about my uncle in a while. but when i was walking with my grandma, he just came up in my head. i really do miss him. i dont really have that many memories of him. i regret not having memories of him. of all the memories i have of him, its all about how he used to smile, and lighten up the mood.

Sometimes, i really think back to that day... and it just makes me cry. that day where my family cried bucket fulls of tears. that day i had to say bye and see my uncle for the last time before he went in to the ground. the time i actually said goodbye when he was alive was the night before he died. i was going home that night. to see all those tubes and machines around him made everyone know that his life isnt going to be that long and it might even end that night. and they were right. he had left to go to heaven that night. it was february 2 2005. he was just 35. he had two little children--one had just started to go to elementary school.

When i moved to here. i remember exactly how he looked. he came in his blue cadillac and sucking on a lollipop. even then he looked fine. and that was just a year later that he died. even months before he died, he wasnt so weak. we visited the statue of liberty with my california cousins. but then, everything happened so fast. and he was gone.

I look back and i say that my uncle was the funniest person to be with. he was energetic and he was always optimistic. he would lighten up the mood. and now that hes really gone, it makes me really want to see him. i miss him. i love him. but hes long gone.....

RAWR :D

The wonderful break during the summer.... yet i'm doing nothing.. -_-;; i actually took this picture few months ago. i think the weather was much better then than now. for the past couple days i didn't do anything. it was more like sleeping and talking. as of right now it is 12:50 am and my body hurts. i think its because of the things i eat. 아이구... i don't know what i should do right now. i am so bored. but i can't really do anything because thats disturbing my family's sleep. so i guess i'll listen to music :) like always. time to get my itunes busy ㅋㅋ ;D




Omgosh. this picture is from 일지매 . i love this drama.일지매 짱~ :)

빅뱅 리더♡

권지용, 지드래곤, 권리더, GD, GDragon ♥

TOP's eunice's XP

haha imma stop right here cause i cant write alot so STOP

--jennifer

My Starting Point

Seeing my friend's blog made me want to make this :] i also made this so i can keep track of my life... especially since i don't like regular diary. one by one i think i'll upload pictures that i took but for now i have the picture on the left ;D
i think now because of this blog thingy i can tell someone something or just let out my feelings. i usually cant write alot so hopefully each day, week, month, or year i can write more. ><;; overall, i think my life is somewhat happy, but also very depressing. there are days where its just like ESIFJKKLWER)U*#@% however, there are times when im happy for who i am. there are days when i think

"if i was someone else would i be happier?"

i also think of days when i say

"i'm me and i like it."

i love being random. so i say that right now i'm watching the food network :D i think being random is just who i am. i am always random. mostly things that pop in my head it comes out of my mouth that moment XD sometimes i should watch my mouth before i speak XP
just like the picture on the right, i love listen to music that i miss out on some important things when someone is speaking LOL. right now i have my ipod blasting out music. its an OST :)
i love entertaining people. when i make someone laugh or smile it just makes me relieved and relaxed. i care about others alot. i want to see them happy then sad or pissed off. sometimes even if it makes me feel/look bad i would do it if it makes the close people around me happy or smile.
i'm a person who has a very simple style--it should look good but it must be comfy. i don't like wearing uncomfortable clothes. i barely wear accessories. i just wear a heart necklace that my wifey bought for me and sometimes once in awhile i wear earrings. also i wear heels, flats, flip flops, uggs, or converse. i don't have a shoe collection.
now enough of just talking about myself. >0<


Today, i went to go eat pho with my wifey :D because she wanted to eat it so we went to the restaurant and i payed :) lol then we went to eat frozen yogurt since i asked if she wanted to eat anything after pho. and since i asked i payed again. BD i also gave her this tshirt that i bought in alaska when i went on a cruise. she asked me to write on the back since it was white so i did and i wrote 사랑해 i love you wifey and my signature. XD
^ i like this picture it looks like the forest thingy that i live near ;D FORESTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT :D LEAVESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS :)

☆★ My SUMMER `08 GOALS ♥♡

• lose weight
• do my summer honor assignments
• hang out with my friends
• get a job
• do something thats fun
• take pictures
• get smarter
• clean my room
• unpack my suitcase
• grow out my hair
• grow 1 more inch so i could be 5 foot 7 :D
• organize my closet

gosh i have so many things to do T_T;; i hate this D:

now i'm done talking
byebyeeee

--jennifer :]