Happy Halloween
sure its happy....
not really
i only have this girl i can talk to
because others would bitch saying im talking crap
and the other girl is not as close to me anymore
i dont really know whats going on in my life
the more time passes by
the more it scares me
its changed from what it was in the summer
i can tell
you say nothing
but i see it all
youre getting farther away from me
its me that you dislike now
you dont think of me as such of a close friend
sometimes i really think
who can i really depend on?
who can i say my thoughts and problems
and not be labeled as someone who talks sh.t behind someones back
when i look at myself...
i hate it
i hate what ive become
i hate where i am today
i hate the friendships i lose
i hate it all
would it have been different if i moved?
would i become happier and better if i just mask my feelings?
would i?
is it worth it?
i dont know how to fix it...
i dont know how i can get it back...
i dont know
i really dont know
and i hate the fact that i dont know
i hate the fact that because of me, im losing it
it... personally i thought it wouldnt change that easily
boy was i wrong...
i no longer have conversations with you
without you giving me a look, not giving me a reply, or giving me a reply just to get rid of me
would it be better if we werent friends?
would it make it better for you?
im no longer there...
you dont need me...
you have other people now
who can have your back stronger than i can
im no help to you
im just an annoying thing that gets in your way
its no longer happy with jen. its silence/wtf with jen.
do you want me to be your friend?
there are days where you can just hate me
but when it goes from close to far apart over and over again
within a month...
i really dont know what your intention is...

i isolate myself
i isolate myself because when i look
i see no room for me to just be in it
i see discomfort for if i join i will make everything go down
but when i am asked because i told you to ask me
that feels indescribable
its like you asked me but dont want me there
i dont want to be asked if you dont want me there
i dont want to just be asked because i told you to ask me
i want to be there because you want me there
every freakin day i ask myself
am i happy with myself?
every freakin day the answer is no.

when i look at a problem that someone has
even if its a small problem
i think about it 24/7
i dont give the best advice right when you ask me
because somethings i never felt
but i think it over and over and over
it keeps bothering me.
if you told me you had problems because of a guy or something
and you want to get rid of it or him or what not
i think of it 24/7--not literally because i cant think that long
but the times i think the times im in school
sure i think about it
even if i didnt do a project
i cant sleep
when i try to sleep and i know something is wrong with someone
i cant just sleep perfectly fine
its something that bothers me
that something is bothering you
its my fault
friends...
theyre the only people can understand me
and be there for me
theyre so important when alittle fight happens
i get so frustrated that i ruined my friendship
it pisses me off that i did something and it just ruin the friendship
im disappointed in myself
who the hell am i to be this way?
who the hell am i to be such a freakin emtional person?
its not like my friend was killed
but to me losing a friend is having a friend killed
i guess im just a crazy person
i guess i am



and im sorry
if you dont want me as a friend
then dont have me as a friend
sorry i piss you off
sorry i ask but do totally the opposite thing
its not like im important anymore
you have many people that have your back now
im sorry
for being such a bad friend