smile

i think figured out why i do not say no. i hate the face expression when i say no. they are just asking for a favor. when i see a smile instead it makes me feel so much better. maybe that is why i do not reject. i will try to keep a smile on my face if that makes people feel even a little better. it is better that way. they do not have to go through things i have to go through. they do not need to know my pain. it is not their fault so they do not need to feel that pain. i do not want to be pitied anymore. i just want to keep my problems to myself. other people do not need to know that i am actually going through a tough time. it makes me feel much better that i chose the path i took even if it is small as giving food to someone that and it makes that person happy. even if it is just a little bit. i do not want to be selfish anymore. i want to make other people happy instead. it would be better that way. but i do not know how. i do not know how to comfort people. i only have ears for listening and shoulders for someone to lean on. i can only be a book just listening, understanding, never comforting, but keeping those secrets within me. i was never good with words. i just like to listen. that is the only thing i am good at. maybe someday i will be able to comfort people when they come to me instead of being just ears. until that day, i am going to keep smiling. so i do not make others feel sad or things that because of me.