sorry

sorry to all my friends
sorry to eunice
sorry for freakin out
sorry for being insecure
i will change
i will try
but its not going to be easy for me.

im sorry

my weekend

i hated my weekend.
i hate the fact that i was ignored for more than half the time.
i hate the feeling of being a loner, again.
i hate the fact that after i felt like this, it did not get any better.
i hate how i had to try to tell _____ my problems in front of people instead of saying in private.
i hate the feeling of being used, again.
i hate that i was sick.
i hate the fact some people just thought ahead and thought i was ignoring people.
i hate the fact that i was barely even talking.
i hate the fact that i was trying to get back closer with my "friends", but all they did was have the expression of "wtf" in their eyes and body language.
i hate the fact that i did not belong with my "friends".
i hate the fact that im the only one out of my "friends" that is fat and over 5'4" which makes me stick out.
i hate the feeling that noone wanted me there.
i hate the fact i lost my phone, that i had some what good memories saved in there.
i hate the fact that people gave me the look like i was over reacting just cause i lost a phone.
i hate the fact that i couldnt stop crying when i saw my "friends".
i hate the fact that i couldnt cry so when i finally died i pour all my feelings out in public.
i hate the fact i got even more sick.
i hate the fact that it was raining.
i hate the pain i was feeling.
i hate the tiredness, hurt, and worries that i had felt.
i hate the fact that when i look at something, its like oh she doesnt like me anymore.
i hate the fact that im still getting ignored.
i hate the fact that i dont have anyone to lean on.
i hate the fact that when i do have someone i cant say what i want to say.
i hate the fact that i cant express my feelings well.
i hate the fact that i tried to make an effort for atleast getting close again, but failed.
i hate the fact that i wasnt even invited.
i hate the fact that i wasnt even acknowledge until something bad happened to me.
i hate that i had to be with new people i just met because my "friends" werent exactly wanting me there.
i hate the fact i never found my phone.
i hate the fact that when i came back home, i was even more depressed.
i hate the fact i did not go to school today because i am sick and aching.
i hate the fact that i have to be happy in front of my grandma and think my friendships with my "friends" are terrific.
i hate the fact that i got someone mad and pissed that theyre ignoring me.
i hate the fact that i have to go to school tomorrow and worry about how its going to be.
i hate the feeling that when im back at school people are going to ignore me more.
i hate the fact that i know people have worse lives than me, but i cant deal with mine.
i hate that fact that im so scared of everything.
i hate the fact i rely on the people around me.
i hate the fact that when i was at choosuk, no one knew what im exactly going through cause i keep my mouth shut and just got someone mad cause they asked what was wrong.
i hate my weekend.
this has got to be the worst weekend ever.
i know for you, it was totally different.
maybe its just me who is feeling this.
maybe you guys dont notice these things.
maybe im over reacting
maybe its just cause i feel hurt.
i hated my weekend.
this has got to be the worst weekends ever.

change

theres definitely no point in making this
no ones going to read it.
but it doesnt matter.
im letting out my feelings.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i know that people change.
i know that its their choice.
but im scared.
when they change
are they going to forget me?
are they going to not like me?
am i close to them as before?
i makes me wonder...
i cant stop them.
im not the best friend anyone can have.
i try my best.
but just being myself isnt good enough...
do i cry?
do i scream?
do i even say anything?
i lost friends once...
gained them back...
but trusting them with my all...
is something i try to do...
but i just seem to not get it...
do i deserve friends?
changing a bit of them...
because i wanted it to...
does not mean they'll like it...
jennifer accept the facts...
life is not always about friends...
sure, theyre there for you in school...
but if you graduate, or move...
will they be in contact with you?
things change.
people change.
they might like you.
they might hate you.
you just cant always tell.
life isnt easy.
i know it isnt.
thats life.
you have to deal with it.
friends...
you can have other friends...
you can have no friends...
but are if you have friends...
do they really actually like you?
or do they talk shit about you?
with out you even knowing
people do change.
and jennifer sooner or later
youre not a person that will keep them all.
friends are friends.
but they can turn into enemys, haters, rivals.
people do change.
and they wont always like you.

...

so many things to do...
so little time...

--------------------------------------------

whats the matter my friend?
are you okay?
im always here for you ;]




jennifer♥

problems...?

does a person need to tell others for them to worry for him/her?

친구? 무슨 친구?

are you guys my friends?
am i that easy?
have you ever felt used?
have you ever felt like a loner?
cause i have... i feel that way again...
what am i to you guys?
am i just a backup person?
do you guys even like me?
if you dont just tell me straight forward.
seriously, its getting fustrating.
makes me want to have never met you guys and just move away.
somewhere i would never meet you guys again.
have you guys ever thought about how i felt?
i admit im not the best friend someone could ever have
but you guys arent either.
do you guys even notice me?
am i just not right?
and you guys and i just dont go in the same clique?
why are you guys my friends?
am i really?
친구? i dont think so
됐어 다필요없어 i dont need your pity.